{Friday, April 29, 2011 } Alright. im really sorry for the lack of posts. i have decided to make this my ranting ground after what i haven been through recently.

I know i'm not perfect. I know HOW BADLY u want me to be perfect. To be that little guai perfect daughter of yours that studies forever and get to uni with all A's and stuff, have a occupation that you would be proud of. But im sorry, i'll never be that person. Maybe its because of my personality, of how think, that makes me different, that makes EVERYONE different. But i don't see how although u are my parents, you could CHANGE ALL of me. That is seriously some shallow thinking. Sometimes, i really wonder if i really belong in this family. Sometimes i just feel out of place, like i don't belong here. And although i know that every other parents out there seems to be much better than my own, i know that they ARE much better than you. At least they UNDERSTAND them before TRYING to understand them now. Do you even know WHAT i like, in terms of idols and stuff? I rather you make fun of me sometimes because of it, but you just IGNORE it. Have you ever heard that parents should be their children's friends? apparantly, i feel so distant from you right now. Do you even know what i am thinking at times, do you even know how i feel at times. DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT? Well i don't, i just feel like you're being really shallow, only thinking about yourself and benefits for you only. I know you work and get tired alot, but that is NO excuse to your OWN daughter. And plus, when i do things for you, they always get forgotten. When i don't, they always get remembered. WHAT KIND OF FUCKING SCREWED UP PSYCHOLOGY IS THIS? Do you not appreciate the things i do for you? And the laugh that i do when you're lecturing me, that's not me laughing at myself. it's me laughing at ur shallowness, your stupidity, your iron-ism. I not asking much. i just want more understanding. I dun care if my freedom is taken away. I JUST WANT UNDERSTANDING. but i guess it's too late for that. isnt it.

AND YOU. Have you even cared much for my, in terms of school? I START SCHOOL ON TUES AT 9 FOR FUCKS SAKE. And seriously, i KNOW when to stop using the computer. AND I WILL. do i look like the person who just stays online for the entire day, in fact night to use the computer? DON'T I HAVE TO SLEEP? After 15 years of education and living in your house, do you not know your daughter well? Do i not have any self control. DO I NOT HAVE ANY TRUST AND SELF-RESPECT FROM YOU.

What parents i have. Such an unfair world i live in isn't it? I don't care who is reading it right now. be it my SISTER. who actually stalks my blog thinking that i don't noe, or just some random person, i just really hope my life can change. I WANT to be that happy and cheerful jasmine again. I don't want this, where i have to wallow in pain every single day, thinking about this, giving myself a heartache, wanting to just leave this family. i just want... pure... happiness.