{Wednesday, December 19, 2012 } I'm tired. i'm really really tired. I know what i want. I see it, i want it... but i just can't reach it. All this wanting is making me tired. The urge to be there, to be in place of those people, to be under those circumstances instead of the ones i am in right now... it's like i can kill. But i can't do it. As much as i tell myself i have to keep trying and i will get it one day, i can't. It's not who i am. I want to be her. but it's not who i am. I feel so conflicted right now. Like a magnet with different poles, just that i am a magnet with both poles facing the same side. I want it. I really really do. I have no idea what to do. I don't get the support i want/need. I am lacking in so many areas. i feel so... useless. So close... yet... i can never reach it. I am extremely tired. i want to give up, and yet i still want it everytime i see it again. that temptation... the fire is slowly dying, and no one sees it, because im hiding it so well... i'm just going to be a normal girl soon enough. it will be as if, nothing happened. I'm disappointing myself. way too much. but i can't help it. help.