{Wednesday, December 19, 2012 } I'm tired. i'm really really tired. I know what i want. I see it, i want it... but i just can't reach it. All this wanting is making me tired. The urge to be there, to be in place of those people, to be under those circumstances instead of the ones i am in right now... it's like i can kill. But i can't do it. As much as i tell myself i have to keep trying and i will get it one day, i can't. It's not who i am. I want to be her. but it's not who i am. I feel so conflicted right now. Like a magnet with different poles, just that i am a magnet with both poles facing the same side. I want it. I really really do. I have no idea what to do. I don't get the support i want/need. I am lacking in so many areas. i feel so... useless. So close... yet... i can never reach it. I am extremely tired. i want to give up, and yet i still want it everytime i see it again. that temptation... the fire is slowly dying, and no one sees it, because im hiding it so well... i'm just going to be a normal girl soon enough. it will be as if, nothing happened. I'm disappointing myself. way too much. but i can't help it. help.


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{Friday, September 21, 2012 } Wow... It has been ages since i came back here. Like 1 year ++. My last post was about o levels :O and i've already finished my poly sem test lol lol lol. This is so awkward :/ I have a lot of things to talk about yet i have no way in expressing it. i feel really weird these days. Nothing is going my way. well, not all, but most. And it's getting really tiring. Gotta learn and handle this.


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{Saturday, October 29, 2011 } After leaving this blog for a million years, i am back :)

I don't really have much to say, i basically found this book a few days ago while i was packing the house (im moving house~) and realised it was my "rant" book. I ranted stuff in it ... so i don't really think i have much to say here.

O'levels are here. Stress is inevitable i guess. But it feels much more then stress. Probably because ever since i got into the top 2 for tvN kpop star hunt, i've gained even more stress and pressure from the outside world. It seems so surreal yet... real. I SHOULD be studying. In fact, mugging. But i just can't seem to bring myself to it. :/

Math paper was ok i guess. I can get an A1... that is if the bell curve doesnt pull me down -sigh- im just gonna hope for the best.

Oh yes, I have started a youtube channel of DANCE COVERS!!! This is really old news, i know. But to think that i have not mentioned this in this blog before sooooo... xD Bear with me here :)

Met many awesome people during the tvN star hunt. Freaking awesome people with freaking awesome talents. -sobs- i love you guys <3 HWAITING GUYS! JIAYOU AND ONE DAY WE WILL MEET IN KOREA!

Had been on twitter alot these few weeks. To think i once told myself twitter is so boring i will never get addicted to it. OH JUST LOOK AT ME NOW. -MENTALLY SLAPS MYSELF- need to start studying :/

A before i go, how bout a kevin spam? kekeke















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{Friday, April 29, 2011 } Alright. im really sorry for the lack of posts. i have decided to make this my ranting ground after what i haven been through recently.

I know i'm not perfect. I know HOW BADLY u want me to be perfect. To be that little guai perfect daughter of yours that studies forever and get to uni with all A's and stuff, have a occupation that you would be proud of. But im sorry, i'll never be that person. Maybe its because of my personality, of how think, that makes me different, that makes EVERYONE different. But i don't see how although u are my parents, you could CHANGE ALL of me. That is seriously some shallow thinking. Sometimes, i really wonder if i really belong in this family. Sometimes i just feel out of place, like i don't belong here. And although i know that every other parents out there seems to be much better than my own, i know that they ARE much better than you. At least they UNDERSTAND them before TRYING to understand them now. Do you even know WHAT i like, in terms of idols and stuff? I rather you make fun of me sometimes because of it, but you just IGNORE it. Have you ever heard that parents should be their children's friends? apparantly, i feel so distant from you right now. Do you even know what i am thinking at times, do you even know how i feel at times. DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT? Well i don't, i just feel like you're being really shallow, only thinking about yourself and benefits for you only. I know you work and get tired alot, but that is NO excuse to your OWN daughter. And plus, when i do things for you, they always get forgotten. When i don't, they always get remembered. WHAT KIND OF FUCKING SCREWED UP PSYCHOLOGY IS THIS? Do you not appreciate the things i do for you? And the laugh that i do when you're lecturing me, that's not me laughing at myself. it's me laughing at ur shallowness, your stupidity, your iron-ism. I not asking much. i just want more understanding. I dun care if my freedom is taken away. I JUST WANT UNDERSTANDING. but i guess it's too late for that. isnt it.

AND YOU. Have you even cared much for my, in terms of school? I START SCHOOL ON TUES AT 9 FOR FUCKS SAKE. And seriously, i KNOW when to stop using the computer. AND I WILL. do i look like the person who just stays online for the entire day, in fact night to use the computer? DON'T I HAVE TO SLEEP? After 15 years of education and living in your house, do you not know your daughter well? Do i not have any self control. DO I NOT HAVE ANY TRUST AND SELF-RESPECT FROM YOU.

What parents i have. Such an unfair world i live in isn't it? I don't care who is reading it right now. be it my SISTER. who actually stalks my blog thinking that i don't noe, or just some random person, i just really hope my life can change. I WANT to be that happy and cheerful jasmine again. I don't want this, where i have to wallow in pain every single day, thinking about this, giving myself a heartache, wanting to just leave this family. i just want... pure... happiness.


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{Sunday, January 16, 2011 } Omagawd. im actually feeling the stress of o levels already.

Homework has been flooding my life for the past 2 weeks. And i still haven't finished all of them T.T

SAVEMEKEVIN~


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{Wednesday, January 5, 2011 } Finally blogging after what seems so long. Apparently, according to my mum, i'm just too addicted into computer games. sighs.

I don't really think thats the only reason why i play games for the whole (well, almost) day during the holidays. I just have the feeling that i can't get along with her. Like we are of different sides of the world. Our thoughts are seperated by a strong brick wall that cannot be broken down. How was i going to talk to her when i need someone to talk to?

Didn't do any of my homework though. I pretty much felt that reading fics, playing games, listening to kpop songs helps me to relax. Even my dad thinks so. Does she just wan to stress me out? To just make me collapse?

Is results all she can think about? DO I NOT HAVE A LIFE?

I shall not flame further. Might just get me in trouble when some busy body reads this and tells her.

School is plain horrible. Filled with pointless orientation. And to add on to the bad day, i sprained my right ankle and hurt both my knees.

And i almost cried out of stress...

OK ENOUGH OF SAD STUFF.

Yes yes. i'm stil kpop crazy. I'm currently fussing over Kevin Woo Sung Hyun of U-kiss :D



And PLEASE. he's not gay. HE.IS.NOT.GAY. He just have feminine features. I MEAN LIKE. ISN'T HE PRETTY? :D

Ok. Someone is nagging into my ear now. This is why i freaking complained about her. She's just nagging non stop. ...

xoxoJasmine (wishing for a great year ahead)


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{Sunday, January 2, 2011 } Love my new awesome pair of heels :D

I think im really screwed for the first few days of 2011. i Haven't even started on any of the homework. Infact, i have not even touched them. NON OF MY SKIN CELLS ARE ON THEM.

And i heard we are going to chng lit teacher. .___."


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